Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Day 42

Today, the 12th, is my year anniversary of moving out. Time flies, I guess. I'm really proud of myself for making changes over the last year. I don't know that I'm better off financially, but emotionally, mentally, physically? Absolutely.
XH stopped by earlier in the week to drop off some papers and stuff I had at his dad's house (his father is getting married, today, I think). He said he was buying a house, then started telling me about it, but I had to stop him. I was so upset... I begged him for years to get his shit together, fix what needed to be fixed, so we could sell and move. I guess I had it in my head that if we got away from where we were, we'd be able to fix things. He said "are you mad at me?" WTF!!!!!!!!! I am so mad at him for so many things I don't even think I can begin to verbalize it. I didn't bother asking if that slutbag he's living with now is moving in with him. I just don't understand what I did to karma that made her deal me such a shitty hand.... after all I put into trying to fix that marriage, *I* ended up being screwed over, and now HE'S living the bachelor life, buying a family friendly house and settling down??? I guess it was me. But I did the damn best I could. Screw him, he's missing out. I hope he's sorry. If he isn't, he will be.
I called MOMD and he's on his way over. I don't know if it's because i miss him, want him, love him, or because I want to get back at my ex. Hopefully more of the former than the latter.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Day 39 ... I think

Tomorrow I'll be attempting to break 130 while bowling; another date *happy dance*.
I told MOMD that it was really hard on me not seeing him... got the "I miss you but I want to spend time with DD when I'm not working" thing. I don't blame him, of course, but part of me wants to say Well if you want a relationship you have to make time for me, and 5 hours every other week isn't working for me.


Saturday, March 1, 2008

Day 30

I'm in a conundrum. MOMD called and visited again. I did finally get up the nerve to tell him that I wasn't just a booty call, and I think I hurt his feelings a little bit. I'm glad... not that I hurt his feelings, but that he obviously doesn't think of me that way.
On the list.... My classes started, so that's working towards finishing my degree. Once I get the official "go" from my advisors, I can make "write dissertation" an in-progress item.

So in 30 days, I've accomplished one thing... that means I need to step it up!!!